Tomorrow is a big day. A big BIG day.
We are buying a house tomorrow. Haunted by the horrific experience we had at the hands of a downfallen economy in Michigan, I said I’d NEVER do that again. But here we are, five years later. Buying a house. Please please, economy, don’t screw us this time! Please.
But tomorrow is a great date to close on a house because it’s not just October 28. It’s also Addison’s half birthday. Tomorrow she’ll be 5 1/2! And boy is she excited! She wonders if it will feel different to be 5 1/2. She wonders what the second half of her sixth year of life will bring in terms of new skills and milestones. She has been counting down to this day for weeks.
And that’s not all. Five years ago tomorrow we loaded up our family and all our luggage and set sail for Vietnam to change our lives forever.
And you know….the feelings are much the same today. Anticipation, excitement, apprehension, nervousness, disbelief. Venturing into the wholly unknown is scary. Change, no matter how positive, is hard. Change that affects the entire family feels like such a heavy burden. Did we make the right decision? Will our choices positively impact our family? Or will they haunt us? Will they turn out to be selfish and ill-timed? The months leading up to Addy’s adoption were stressful, difficult, scary, uncertain and often infuriating. We didn’t truly believe it would happen until we got on that plane. And even then, who knows what the future would hold for us as a family!? The months leading up to our closing tomorrow have been the same. This house isn’t just a house – it’s the fresh start we’ve needed for longer than we can remember. It is hard to ignore those niggling thoughts that say that something so hard-fought may not be meant to be.Or that maybe we just don’t deserve it.
But Addy has taught me so many things…most of all that things that are hard-fought for often deliver the most cherished rewards.
Five years ago tomorrow I didn’t know what would be in store for our future. But this time in our history has always been on the tippy-top of my most cherished moments in time. Although adoption is laden with often contradictory feelings (our blessings came at the hands of other people’s – most notably my daughter’s – loss), this time is one that has not been bogged down in confusing feelings for me. Although the details of her relinquishment may always cease to exist, there is no doubt that my daughter spent six straight months in an orphanage that was quickly becoming overcrowded with corruption and deceit (and babies…so many many babies!). And there was no doubt that she needed to get out. While the day she entered the orphanage has always been one of the saddest and most contemplative days of the year for me, the day we adopted her has always been one of the most joy-filled days.
So tomorrow we’ll celebrate the beginning of one of the scariest and most rewarding journeys by starting a new journey in a new home. I consider it the best of omens. And there might be cake. Because 5 1/2 is a big deal, ya know!