Life without social media

Five months ago, after months (maybe years?) of lamenting to role of social media in my life I, abruptly and without fanfare, dumped social media*. Not more Facebook, no more Instagram. I was a social media addict. I did the routine cycling of apps on my phone nearly constantly. But it suddenly became necessary to just walk away.

Since there, I feel like I’ve gained some insight and perspective I really lacked before:

• There were people in my life who I considered toxic but, out of obligation derived from near-daily real life interaction, I really couldn’t unfriend them. I had blocked some but lacked the willpower like one can’t stand to look away from a train-wreck. No longer having these people “in my face” (and not having the option to peek into their lives when I’m bored) has been INCREDIBLY good for my mental health. It’s also made me WAY more protective and intolerant of those who invade my  mental health.
• I have a mixed bag of friends where social media usage is concerned. Half of them are prolific users and the other half rarely to never use social media. Those who are prolific users have treated me, in direct and indirect ways, like a traitor for ditching social media. They take it personally that I don’t know what’s going on in their lives because I’m not following them on Facebook. They also don’t remember to keep me up to date about their lives. In other words, they seem to have lost all normal social-relating functionality.
• As an unexpected side-effect, I’ve become incredibly protective of my privacy and my children’s privacy. And I’ve become aware and regretful of my lack of privacy in the past. Slowly, over time, my kids have stopped worrying every time I pull out my phone to record video or photo of adorable (but potentially embarrassing) moments. But it took several months of near-daily reminders that I no longer have social media to share these embarrassing moments before they let down their guard. Consequently, I’m taking way more photos and videos and getting more genuine moments captured.
• Speaking of privacy, I’ve learned that you can leave social media but as long as you have family and friends (or your kids have friends), you can’t dodge the sometimes unfortunate pitfalls of social media. Thanks to people posting information about our lives, way more people know where we are and what we are up to than I want in my life. I have spoken to all of my friends and family, sometimes repeatedly, about keeping my children’s photos and my life off social media. It’s an uphill battle.
• I’m surprised at who and what I miss and who and what I don’t. By and large, I mostly miss my old adoption blogger friends! I feel like I have followed their lives closely for over a decade and suddenly I don’t know what is going on in their lives, who are they voting for this election season or what challenges need prayers or triumphs need celebrating. Who I do NOT miss is anyone local, anyone from highschool, any family, any extremists or the hoards of people silently judging anything I might have shared no matter what the contents. I have decided that real life friends and family should make an effort to spend real life time together and share that way. I’ve long held this opinion within my marriage – friending my own spouse on social media makes me NUTS. He is here 24/7, I don’t need to follow him online too. And the highschool and various other acquaintances – honestly I only followed them out of curiosity. Now that I know what they’ve done in life, I’m over it. We aren’t going to be buddies. And every minute spent oogling my newsfeed is a minute I could spend with real life people.

Most surprising, the lack of social media has really brought about a drive to write again that more or less fell away when Facebook became a Thing. Even if no one reads a word of what I write, I look forward to rediscovering my inner writer while also respecting my family’s privacy (something I was never much interested in when I blogged years ago).

*Full Disclosure: slowly since ditching it all I’ve adding some things in in ways that have met needs while protecting other needs. For example, I have a new Facebook profile that is friendless….it’s only for local homeschool groups and some adoption groups and pages. I think to check it once a week or so and there is nothing toxic or negative to clog up my mind or usurp my energy. I have a private Twitter account to follow news. And I have a friendless Instagram account where I store my favorite photos every day so I can easily print them into a book. And I do maintain my Facebook Messenger account for chatting without the attached Facebook account to muddy the waters. It’s worked out perfectly and I can’t imagine changing any time soon.