life, love & laundry
I *really* miss my camera (17/30)
I know it’s not “good” to be so attached to a possession but I really truly pathetically miss my camera. It’s been over a month now and I honestly actually still feel physical pain over the loss of my camera. I feel pain when I look through my photos. I feel pain when I see something I wish I could photograph. I feel pain every single time I use my crappy point and shoot. I feel pain every time I get an invitation to our photography group that I just can’t bring myself to attend (why bother?). I feel sad every time I finish a sewing project and consider photographing it. In fact I have some new projects that have just sat here – ready to sell – that I have done NOTHING with. I have a pattern worked up ready to sell but no pictures. Any time I start to feel motivated to build my sewing business, I immediately feel paralyzed. Without good pictures, there isn’t a lot I can do there. Making my current junky camera take “good enough” pictures makes me angry and frustrated. So now I just don’t sew. And also? I have no pictures of my children – not a single one – from the last month. Its like this month in their lives just did not exist. I know this is incredibly whiny but honestly I am so so sad about it. If I stop to think about it I literally cry. Even now. A month later. How pathetic is that? I know it’s not a PERSON, it’s just a dumb piece of equipment. And I tell myself that every time I get teary about it. And it doesn’t help, even a little.
And really its so nice of people to say my pictures taken since are lovely or good or good enough. It isn’t about whether I can take a picture that other people like. Its about taking a picture that *I* like, taking a picture that brings to life what I see or how I feel. And I can’t do that anymore. It makes me sad in a way no other loss of a material possession has ever made me sad. Even more than moving from our house we built ourselves in Michigan (which also still causes me pain whenever I look at pictures taken in that house – I will never love a house like I loved that house). It will be years before I will ever be in a position to buy a replacement. I can’t believe I spent weeks whining about wanting something better. What a karmic smack-down.
Ok enough with my pity party. Today was more balanced. I did actually sew up a new bubble skirt that turned out really adorable and fun and totally different than anything else I’ve done before. I would love to share it with you but….you know. I’ll figure something out eventually. But the point is that I’m back on the horse. I mailed out the last of my orders that I have fabric for. I worked online on some projects. I did homeschooling with Noah (he’ll be working through the summer) and played with Addy. I talked to a few friends by phone. I cleaned (a little). I am starting to declutter a side table that badly needs it. I had a beautifully balanced day.
1) more books from M in the mail today. M – you are too much! Thank you so much, I can not wait to dig in!
2) My epiphany re: Noah’s fine motor skills. He has always always lagged behind in large and fine motor skills. He’s mostly caught up in the large motor area but the fine motor skills confounded me. He could not even hold a pencil right and he’s 7. Honestly two months ago he and Addy were very close to the same skill level in fine motor skills. We’ve worked on this in a million different ways, used tools to help teach him physically how to hold the pencil, etc. And still….it just wasn’t happening. Finally I was watching him and noticed ONE tiny easy thing I could tell him to do and it has made all the difference in the world. He’s holding his pencil right, easily, now. Just like that. His drawing went from probably a 4 year old level to well beyond a 7 year old level in just the last month. His writing in the last week has improved dramatically. His attitude about learning has completely changed. I am no expert in how the brain works or how learning works but I am positive this change was the key to opening up a whole new world for him. I feel like we literally watched his brain grow many years in the last few weeks. He’s been stuck on his reading progress for a long time now and no amount of practice or teaching has helped. I am totally convinced that this one little thing will completely alter how he reads. I have already noticed a profound improvement in just the last few days. I have no idea what the connection is but I am SURE it exists for him.
3) Today my husband is closer to 40 than 39. Happy half birthday, Tony!
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I said I can keep an eye out, I know there is a d70 super cheap at the local here.
anyway, awesome awesome about Noah!
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That’s awesome about Noah! What was the trick?
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I’m so sorry for everything you are going through right now. I know you miss your camera, and I also know that’s it’s an extension of everthying else that is on your mind.
I’m not a photographer, so I know my opinion doesn’t count for much, but I thought your bird and lizard photos were awesome. What kind of point-and-shoot do you have? I have purchased and returned four point-and-shoots in the last six months because I can’t find one I like. I would love to have photos half as good as those.
Is there any place you could take a Photoshop class or advanced photo editing class? Maybe it would feel good to learn some more advanced editing tricks for the photos you do take?
Hang in there.
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Thanks Tracy. The camera is ancient (by P&S standards) but decent. It’s a Canon S3 – the new S1 is the currently supported equivalent (but way WAY more awesome). It’s an awesome P&S because first it is insane optical zoom (mine has like 12x but the S1 has 20x!!!) and also can use other lenses. The macro is awesome, too (although not as awesome as I once thought before I got spoiled! LOL)
The biggest issue with my camera (and likely the S1) is that it is going to be rough to shoot indoors. you can use the flash but on-board flashes take awful pictures (even on DSLRs). I’m not sure if you can get more control with added lenses. All my pictures I post are outdoors and even then, the lens just can’t possibly take in as much light as a dSLR. The CMOS sensor on the S1 may help with that a lot, I don’t know. But if that’s the problem with your pictures with other cameras (dark, not vivid colors) that’s not going to change much without a dSLR. In particular, the smaller the camera you get, the crappier the pictures will be because the lens is just too tiny to let in light.
It may help to expand my PS skills. There is only so much PS can compensate for though, kwim?
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Thanks for the input Nicki. My husband thinks I am a freak because I have tried so many P&Ss. I’m just not ready to spend the money on a dSLR and I can’t imagine lugging anything that big around when I have to lug three little kids around (Colin turns one next month, and I will have a one-year-old, a two-year-old, and a three-year-old – scary).
I know PS can only compensate so much. I was just trying to think of something photography related that would be cheaper. I’ll keep thinking. ;)
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Now you’ve got me so curious about what that one little thing is that helped Noah!
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